Cover Image: Illustration licensed from VectorStock.com
And how to do it
I’ve been working on a list of things to say “no” to since February 2018, when I first published a simple 41-item list. Seeing how the original version got traction, I expanded and created an 88-item list. It was simply too much, so instead of adding more, I cut the original list down to 31 things and added a lot of ways you can say “no” to each of them.
That’s how the ultra-popular 31 Important Things You Should Say “No” to for a Happier Life came to be. It resonated with a lot of readers, but in my mind, there was always a problem with it— which ones will have the most impacts in my life? Isn’t there a shorter list I can start with and move my way up?
Well, there wasn’t, until now.
In the above piece, I opened with:
“Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
I still stand by that, but you have to start somewhere. That start is this list. For each item, I’ll explain why I chose it to be part of the top 10, how you can get better at it, and link additional resources.
I’m including a table of contents so you can jump to the things that may be relevant to your life. Read them, and start taking your life back into your hands.
*All visual representations below were done using MindMeister.
Table of Contents
*Feel free to highlight those you agree with or those you want to work on.
1. Perfection
2. Excuses
3. Food with no quality nutrients
4. Completing useless things
5. Responding to messages ad-hoc
6. Doing things you can delegate
7. Takers
8. Bad routines
9. Spending most of your time with the wrong people
10. Comparing apples to orangesSay no to…
1. Perfection
Don’t waste time on perfection. Good enough is good enough.
“Perfection is the enemy of progress.”
— Winston Churchill
Why did this make it into the top 10?
More than ever, I know how perfection can make you miserable. I have a newborn son, and so many things are not in my control anymore. Dishes pile up. The apartment is dirtier by the minute. My work quality keeps lowering.
This all took a toll on my mental health. But there was an easy solution: say “no” to perfection. Accept that I can’t have everything under control and that not everything will go my way. When I let go of my perfect ideal, I started breathing easier and be happier.
Too many people chase perfection where perfection is unreachable. Accepting that things can’t be perfect is a hard thing to do for many, but man is it a relief when you succeed!
How to say no to perfection:
Create a habit of releasing/publishing your work every day, whether you do it publicly or not.
Set a timer, and don’t let yourself touch what you’re working on after the time runs out.
Make your deadlines tighter.
Share your work with others before you consider it “done.”
Additional resources:
How to Be an Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise
I Thought It Was Just Me (but It Isn’t) by Brené Brown
The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar
Book recommendations from Nerdy Creator.
2. Excuses
Ask why three times, and you’ll land on the real reason.
“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”
— George Washington Carver
Why did this make it into the top 10?
I banned the word “I can’t…” from my vocabulary three years ago and never looked back. It’s insane the number of times we start a sentence with those three words.
The reason why it’s so destructive is that it teaches your brain to think that you indeed can’t. But I have news for you: there’s a massive difference between “not being able to” and “choosing not to”. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you choose not to.
Excuses are the ultimate fuel for your negative self-talk, which crushes your confidence. And you can’t be happy without confidence.
I chose this in the top 10 because it’s likely one of the most widespread issues there is.
How to say no to excuses:
Replace “I can’t” with “How can I… ?”
Increase confidence and own your decisions.
Accept challenges and overcome your fears.
Additional resources:
“13 Steps to Stop Making Excuses and Take Responsibility” (Develop Good Habits)
No Excuses! by Brian Tracy
You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
3. Food with no quality nutrients
No matter your diet preferences, balancing the right nutrients always works.
“Our food should be our medicine and our medicine should be our food.”
— Hippocrates
Why did this make it into the top 10?
To perform well, you have to maintain a good level of energy. And to maintain a good level of energy, you need quality nutrients. Not food, nutrients. After all, the main reason you eat food is for their nutrients.
Some nutrients destroy your energy like nothing else. The problem is, most people don’t know which ones, so all you hear is “don’t eat junk food”. The biggest problem is not that they make you fat, it’s that they lower your energy levels and prevent your brain from functioning at its best.
I chose this to be in the top 10 because this is becoming the biggest cause of death in the world. You can’t (arguably) be happy when you’re dead!
How to say no to food with no quality nutrients:
Don’t buy junky snacks.
Cook your own meals.
Use a service that gives you quality ingredients to cook recipes (Goodfood in Canada is a good example).
Additional resources:
Healthy Eating Plate (Harvard School of Public Health)
“50 Foods That Are Super Healthy” (Healthline)
Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy by Walter C. Willett
Deep Nutrition by Catherine Shanahan
4. Completing useless things
Prioritize your tasks, and only do the ones that matter.
“Nothing is less productive than to make more efficient what should not be done at all.”
— Peter Drucker
Why did this make it into the top 10?
No one aims to do useless things. Yet, most of us do. I know I did, until I knew what I really stood for. I added three tools in the additional resources below, and to say that they’ve changed my life would be an understatement.
I used to start new projects every week. At any one time, I had 12 projects active, most of which I led myself. It was exhausting and I felt like I was running in circles. Well, I really was.
I chose this to be in the top 10 because most people rarely reevaluate their priorities. That’s how the mid-life crisis happens. You wake up one day, feeling regret for the things you did and didn’t do. If you knew what was useless for you to do then, you would not have done it and felt happier for it.
How to say no to completing useless things:
Reflect regularly on your priorities.
Know what is useless.
Additional resources:
5. Responding to messages ad hoc
Set blocks of times to answer messages.
“Emails get reaction. Phone calls start conversations.”
— Simon Sinek
Why did this make it into the top 10?
This is a strange one to include in the top 10, but I had no choice. This is the reality we live in now, thanks to our smartphones and working from home now being the norm. We reply to our messages all the time when we’ve not sleeping.
Essentially, we’re reactive the majority of our day when we do that. And look around you; everyone is doing it! If someone doesn’t reply to you within 24 hours, you panic. You either think they hate you or they’re dead.
Look, you don’t need to reply every waking hour of the day. The more you control your reactive time, the happier you’ll be.
How to say no to responding to messages ad hoc:
Specify blocks of time in your week to reply to messages. (I do this at 2 p.m. every day.)
Don’t leave your email client displayed on your computer.
Turn off non-important notifications on your phone.
Don’t dual screen for tasks that don’t require two screens (most don’t).
Additional resources:
“Why You Should Not Respond To Emails Immediately” (Stronger Habits)
“4 ways to turn off annoying notifications on your Android phone or iPhone” (PC World)
6. Doing things you can delegate
Find your superpower and delegate the stuff that’s outside of it.
“As much as you need a strong personality to build a business from scratch, you must also understand the art of delegation.”
— Richard Branson
Why did this make it into the top 10?
Delegation is so underused. There are things for which we’re good at, and others not so much. Yet, the only way something greater than yourself can be accomplished is by combining your strengths with those of others. This also helps you not complete useless things, as mentioned above.
This made it into the top 10 because not enough people are good at asking for help. They try to take everything on themselves and waste both time and energy, two very important components of happiness.
How to say no to doing things you can delegate:
Recognize what needs to be delegated (see Quadrant 3 of the Eisenhower Matrix).
You know someone who can do it better and faster? Delegate to them. Return the favor later.
Consider this question: What would you be doing if your time was worth $1,000 an hour?
Additional resources:
“Stewardship Delegation Makes a Difference” (The Achievement Centre)
7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
The Eisenhower Matrix
7. Takers
Say “yes” to givers. Be a giver yourself.
“Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit.”
— Pinterest.com
Why did this make it into the top 10?
My wife gives her time to everyone. It makes me go nuts. At the risk of sounding extreme, not everyone deserves your time. And it’s not to say that one’s time is more valuable than another, it’s just that for a relationship to work, both parties have to give. It doesn’t have to be equal, but it can’t be only one way.
Sadly, most people feel a sense of duty towards some other people. Sometimes it’s because it’s family, or a long time friend, or someone who has helped you years ago. It doesn’t matter, a taker is a taker and will keep on taking.
It made it in the top 10 because there are more takers in everyone’s life than we think there is. Takers don’t make you happy.
How to say no to takers:
Recognize who’s a taker (they always ask or even demand things).
Set ground rules and confront them (in a nice way).
Stop giving to them until their behavior/mindset changes.
Spend more time with givers like yourself.
Additional resources:
“The Surprising Psychology of Givers, Takers, and Matchers” (Lemonade)
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
8. Bad Routines
Don’t get stuck in an unproductive routine. You can change things around.
“Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”
— Warren Buffett
Why did this make it into the top 10?
If I have to choose what’s more detrimental to my life between bad routines or a lack of good routines, I choose bad routines. Bad routines suck your time and energy. They make it almost impossible to change your life for the better.
You can be happy with no good routines. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. With bad routines, you feel stuck. They fuel your negative self-talk. They make you find excuses for your inaction.
I chose this to be in the top 10 because I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a bad routine holding them back. It’s also one of the hardest things to get rid of.
How to say no to bad routines:
Spend time each month to design a routine that works for you.
Realize the potential and dangers of bad habits.
Perform a good routine with other people.
Additional resources:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard
“How to Build a Strong Morning Routine: The Essential Guide” (Danny Forest)
9. Spending most of your time with the wrong people
The people you surround yourself with have a bigger impact than you imagine. Choose wisely.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
— Jim Rohn
Why did this make it into the top 10?
This is my favourite quote in the world because there isn’t one I’ve experienced more than this one. I feel like I’ve lived 20 different lives, simply because I’ve been a different person with every group of people I surrounded myself with. And when you live like a nomad for years, you spend a lot of time with different people!
This is an easy phenomenon to observe too. Think about different moments of your life and the people you surrounded yourself with then. Who were you? How did you feel? What did you accomplish? The right influence in your life can completely change your life.
I chose this to be in the top 10 because people are not deliberate enough in who they choose to spend time with. And people don’t realize that today, it’s entirely normal to spend more time with people online vs in-person. To me, this is great since you have no geographical restrictions. You have access to billions of people, any time of the day.
How to say no to spending most of your time with the wrong people:
Figure out your values.
Have a clear purpose.
Find people who share your values and purpose.
Track down where your time is spent.
Additional resources:
“How to Up Your Entourage Regardless of Your Current Situation” (Danny Forest)
“7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose” (Mark Manson)
Find Your Why by Simon Sinek
10. Comparing apples to oranges
Don’t waste time comparing things that don’t compare.
“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself.”
— Bill Gates
Why did this make it into the top 10?
“Why can’t I be more like…?”
You’ve heard that many times, right? Or maybe you’ve said it yourself. Look, you don’t need to be like anybody else. Actually, I’d urge you to be as unique as you can be. The happiest people are not those who follow the herd, They’re the purple cows of this world. They’re different. They’re remarkable.
You have strengths other people don’t have. Recognize them. Use them. Compete with yourself. Get better but don’t change. Be yourself.
I chose this to be in the top 10 because we live in a very competitive world and it’s sometimes leading us to depression. We observe the very top people in the world and we feel like we’re never good enough. You are good enough.
How to say no to comparing apples to oranges:
Recognize key differences.
Keep an open mind.
Observe the facts.
Focus on self-improvement over fascination.
Additional resources:
“Life’s Enough: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others” (Zen Habits)
“How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others” (Psychology Today)
“How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others — A Helpful Guide” (Becoming Minimalist)