Cover Photo by Hannah Reding on Unsplash
After you hit rock bottom, life gets better
If you had asked me in the past 7 weeks if I thought life rocked, you’d have gotten a very negative answer. When my wife brought my son into this world on June 5th, he was crying (that’s good).
The problem is, he hasn’t stopped since (not so good).
I read every book and article on the topic of babies, and my baby Nate follows none of the patterns in the stuff I read. When you ask people, they just tell you: “Oh, he’s just a baby.”
Ugh…
Technically, it should be easy: take the baby, cuddle him, give kisses, gently rock him, and sing to him. So easy!
Right.
None of that works.
And when you tell people about the situation, you are met with simple solutions like: have you tried walking him? Have you tried a pacifier? Are you feeding him? Are you letting him sleep?
Yes, yes, yes, and YES!
Do you really think I’m not feeding my baby?!?
*Rant over*
*Deep breathing*
All that to say, I hit rock bottom. Or very close to it. I almost fell into post-partum depression, which is common-ish, but rarely talked about. Why is it taboo to talk about mental health and it’s completely fine to talk about physical health will always be beyond me; our brain matters MORE than our body!
Needless to say, I thought my life sucked then.
Prior to having a baby, I had a perfect life. I was living completely on my own terms and that was the best feeling in the world. I was my own boss, I could live in any country I wanted to (pre-COVID, of course), and I was working on impactful projects.
So, even if I felt ready to have a baby, deep down, I wasn’t ready to compromise on my perfect life. Newbie mistake, I know. That was the biggest problem for me. I didn’t expect to have a high-needs baby. They say you get what you can handle, so I guess they knew I could handle a lot!
And that’s what’s beautiful about it. That’s what makes it rock. I disliked my current situation (and still do sometimes), but man is it a wonderful learning experience!
My wife and I have always been a strong couple, but this has forced us to become an even better team. I was afraid that having a baby would compromise our relationship, but it only got stronger. We had common projects, but nothing is more “common” than taking care of a baby.
Through that new experience, I realized that my “previous life” was more comfortable than I thought it was. For someone who keeps saying they dislike comfort, I felt like a fraud. I was complacent. I wasn’t experimenting as much as I used to. Having a baby brings me new experiences every day.
And guess what?
They’re never easy! Never.
So, here’s the main reason why life rocks even when it sucks:
Shitty situations are catalysts for change.
As much as COVID-19 sucked for a lot of people, I bet all of us can find a positive outcome it’s already bringing into this world and in our lives. World War II sucked bad, but without it, we’d be way behind on technological advances. It’s a pro because thanks to that, we can live healthier and longer than ever in the history of mankind.
When you are in a subpar situation, try to think of the positive side. Ask yourself these questions:
What good is this experience bringing me?
What good will it bring me in the future?
What am I learning in this situation and how can I use this positively now or in the future?
How can I use this learning lesson to help someone else?
No one has a perfect life. It doesn’t exist. When you get what you want, you want something else. We’re designed to never be satisfied.
My mom told me that in heaven, everything is perfect. (1) That sounds boring, and (2) If everything is perfect, nothing is perfect since you have nothing to compare it with.
Life is exciting specifically because it’s not perfect. Imagine if you could ride a bicycle on the first try. Imagine if you could ride a helicopter on the first try. Imagine if you could be a top chess player on your first try...you get the idea.
What would there be left to do?
The most exciting things about life are learning and experimenting. Sometimes it’s in your control, but sometimes it isn’t. While in the moment, we prefer the ones we control, the real lessons are learned from those that happen to you. When you accept that, sucky situations turn into (semi) enjoyable experiences.
What are you struggling with right now? What sucks about your life currently? What can you learn from it?
You can’t always be positive about everything, but reframing your mindset can sometimes help. I know it did for me with my mini-thunder that is my baby.
You can do this!