Cover Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash
Love is a journey, not a grand gesture
Let me paint you a clear picture of where we went for last Valentine’s day. It was one of the most luxurious restaurants in Medellin, Colombia. Everyone was dressed up nicely and some romantic ambient music was playing. Love was definitely in the air. The decoration was filled with plants and anything you could expect from Valentine’s Day. The food was fancy and of 5-star quality. Lots of happy couples all around…with some exceptions.
It was one of the most romantic Valentine’s Days we had. And being in Colombia, it was also one of the cheapest.
When my wife reminded me about Valentine’s Day this year (yeah, somehow I had forgotten), we brainstormed ideas around what to do.
We now live in Montreal, and are expecting a baby. With work and preparations for the baby, Valentine’s Day is one of the last things on both our minds.
But hey, gotta do something right? It’s Valentine’s Day!
We ended up choosing to go to our favourite Chinese restaurant.
Why do we have to care about Valentine’s Day?
Audrey and I celebrate our love for each other regularly. We don’t have to wait for a superficial moment to do that. Even in our early days, we never really went overboard with it. I don’t even remember the last time we actually got each other a physical present. To us, that’s not what love is about.
That Chinese restaurant idea may seem thoughtless, but it isn’t. We first thought about going to a fancier restaurant. That idea lasted less than a minute. We then thought about cooking a nice candle-lit dinner in our apartment. Then two days ago, we both decided that it was too much trouble.
Cheap Chinese it is!
But Chinese food in fact means something more to us than mere convenience. There’s something about cheap Chinese food that brings us happiness. In a very extreme way, cheap Chinese food defines our values as a couple. I can’t believe I just compared my couple to cheap Chinese food. But hear me out.
One of the first dates we went on some 15.5 years ago now was a Chinese buffet. They’re very common in Quebec. They’re not the best, but they’re satisfying and cheap. We’ve always been frugal. We’ve also always found joy in the little things. Chinese food is one of those little things that bring us together. You can never go wrong with some General Tao Chicken and some noodles.
A little over a year, my wife was working in Congo while I was in Colombia. We were 6 months apart, with a short week-long break in between. We met up in France for the break.
Guess what we ate pretty much every day?
That’s right! Chinese food. And then more Chinese food.
Back when we lived in Toronto, we would almost exclusively cook Chinese food we got from the Chinese supermarket. At the hospital, Audrey mostly worked with co-workers who were Chinese. They always brought delicious food to work.
When we travelled the world for a year, one of my favourite meals was in China. Sadly, I don’t remember the name of the dish.
The point is, good relationships aren’t about the 5-star quality moments. You’ll get plenty of 1-star moments. Don’t cling to the extremes. Don’t let occasional shitty moments break your couple and similarly, don’t let the high moments be what defines it. Love, like anything else in life, is a journey. And like Steve Jobs said:
“The journey is the reward.”
The reward isn’t in the gifts you get each other. It’s not about the extravagant things you do. It’s about the everyday goodness that brings you together.
Cheap Chinese food brings my wife and me together. As a one-time thing, it might not be more than a 3-star moment. But over time, it becomes a symbol for us. Like money, it’s compounded to where it stands today.
My advice? This Valentine’s Day, find something that make you a happy couple. Then do more of that.
Don’t wait for a special moment to show appreciation for your loved one(s).